It's been a while since I've posted an entry here!  The Madonna and Child Project has been completed, exhibited a few times, and continues to inspire people to blog about it, and even Motherhood Magazine to share my images.  My long term goal however has yet to be realized.  Ever since I started the first portraits five years ago I had hoped to make a book from the Madonna and Child Project.  Each duo are actually a mother and child pair with a birth story.  I chose these pairs partly based on the birth story involved, hoping to involve stories that reflect all kinds of different perspectives on motherhood.  Each mother comes from a different walk of life with her own outlook and her own experiences to relate.  From unassisted home birth to c- section, each mother has her own story.  Some were moving to the point of tears- there are a few I still cannot read without crying.   Some are hilarious and actually make me laugh to read them.  I feel I owe it not only to myself but to the mothers who contributed to see this project through.  I need to publish this as a book.  First I attempted the conventional routes- I approached publishers all over and tried to sell them the project.  I got a lot of wonderful feedback, but none were willing to take the risk and invest in my book.  So... I decided to go the route of self- publishing.  I investigated self publishing companies such as Trafford Books and decided I need to gather the funds to make this happen.  

So now I'm asking you all to contribute and help me see this project through!  I am getting professional photographer Vic Kirby to take beautiful photos of the original work, so every page will be rich in colour and depth.  The resulting book will also have the help of layout professionals to make it really nop notch. 

I'm asking for a minimum contribution of $10.00, but anything you can afford is welcome.  For contributions of $50.00 and over I will send a print of one of the portraits.  Anything over $200.00 and I will send you a large 11" by 16" giclee print, signed by the artist.  Thank you so much!  I will update you as contributions increase and let you know how it goes!

My first experience of breastfeeding was when I first nursed my son in the hospital after my caesarean.  His tiny head, swollen and mishapen after spending two days wedged against my cervix, his tiny hands almost like an old person's hands after living underwater for so long, his face was wise as only newborns and the elderly are.  It was a moment of wonder, and pain, and joy.  I was aching after surgery.  I nursed him in the football hold, his body on one side to avoid hurting my incision.  The suction caused my uterus to contract, both a painful and a wonderful feeling of release, emotional and physical. 

I had spent a few years in a state of yearning for that moment.  I had suffered several miscarriages and a molar pregnancy, I had felt for so long as though my body were the enemy, as though my body could betray me at any moment.  The moment I nursed my son everything changed; suddenly my body was my friend, my breasts were competent and friendly, my baby was beautiful.  As a small breasted women I've also always felt somewhat sub-par, a little less than a real woman.  The moment my new baby latched on all those feelings of inadequacy disappeared too.  I felt about as womanly as I could possibly feel, overflowing with joy and bliss and sensuality in the purest sense. 

It was that moment that I decided to start The Madonna and Child Project  I hadn't fully formulated my concept at that point, but I wanted to express the joy and awe I felt as a new mother, and I could think of no better form than the classical Madonna and Child theme.  As an artist and a mother I've had to struggle to balance both worlds.  There were times when I actually continued to breastfeed my child as I completed my projects- a true case of art imitating life!  Sometimes I felt frustrated and harried as every mother does when trying to balance work and life, and sometimes I've felt guilty for wanting to do art when my children need me more.  Most of the time I find my work and my children are symbiotic to each other- they relate so closely to each other that I have trouble separating the two.  My experiences as a mother inform my artwork, and I think my artwork contributes to my experiences as a mother in turn.

Not every moment was magical of course.  I had days in which my breasts were aching and engorged and every item of clothing I owned was stained with breastmilk.  My sheets were soaked at night, and I struggled with feelings of irritation or disgust at my own wonderfully productive body.  Then there were other moments in which I would feel the most overwhelming love while nursing.  I remember specifically nursing my daughter in bed while she was only a few days old... thinking... no FEELING with my whole body "I love you!"  People explain that rush as a release of oxytocin and other hormones, but I prefer to believe that it's something more than that.  It felt almost like I was experiencing something transcedent, something of the divine- God if you will.  I think there is just a touch of the divine involved in the best parts of motherhood.  For some that involves bathing a child, looking into their eyes and hearing their laughter.  For me that also involved nursing, and that is what I have attempted to express through my art.